Pet Rules
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose
height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain
your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my
food Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of
my plate of food does not stake a claim for its becoming
your food and dish; nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you
can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I
am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs
and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know
that sticking tails straight out and having tongues
hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing
but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and
manage to get the door shut; it is not necessary to claw,
whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door I entered. Also, I have been
using the bathroom for years – canine or feline
attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following
message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain
About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't!
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours
and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because
they:
1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Normally come when called.
5. Never ask to drive the car.
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink.
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions.
9. Don't want to wear your clothes.
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain
your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my
food Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of
my plate of food does not stake a claim for its becoming
your food and dish; nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you
can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I
am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs
and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know
that sticking tails straight out and having tongues
hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing
but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and
manage to get the door shut; it is not necessary to claw,
whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door I entered. Also, I have been
using the bathroom for years – canine or feline
attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following
message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain
About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't!
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours
and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because
they:
1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Normally come when called.
5. Never ask to drive the car.
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink.
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions.
9. Don't want to wear your clothes.
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
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